BO (Exodus, 10:1-13:16) — “How Many Plagues Does It Take to Punish a Pharaoh?”, or, “A Plague on TEN of Your Houses?”

… G-d told Moses to tell Pharaoh, “G-d said, ‘My firstborn son is Israel…You have refused to release him…I will kill your firstborn son.’”

As we all know, he refused to release G-d’s “firstborn”, and eventually he sustained the loss of the Egyptian firstborn in the Tenth Plague.  Based upon this original warning, it appears that the only punishment necessary for refusing to release the slaves was the tenth Plague.  Why the other nine?…

Read more. 

Additional messages from previous years:

“Time Off for Bad Behavior” (2010) 

 “Just Desserts” (2009)

“Double Dating” (2007)

 “Pharaoh’s Brother” (2006)

 “Lox, Cream Cheese, and … UNLEAVENED BAGELS??!!!” (2005)

“The Dog Days of Egypt” (2004)

 “If I Could Only Be Like ___” (2003)

“Nissan Maximum” (2002)

“Don’t Confuse Me with the Facts…I’ve Already Made Up My Mind!”  (2001)

VA’ERA (Exodus, 6:2-9:35) — “Answering the Call of Puti”

In this week’s Torah Portion we are introduced to Pinchas, the grandson of Putiel.  He is better known, later on in the Torah, as Pinchas, son of Elazar, son of Aaron the Priest.  (Numbers, 25:11) 

… Who was this Putiel?  It’s not at all clear.  Some commentaries say he was a well-known person in his day.  It seems from other commentaries that he didn’t exist at all; that he was a “composite.” 

… What’s with the nicknames?  Why doesn’t the Torah simply tell us the man’s name?!!…

 Read more. 

Additional messages from previous years: 

“Abracadabra = MC2” (2010)

“THIS is your Life!” (2009)

“Let the Pharaoh GO!” (2008)

“Frog Beaters” (2006)

“Sorry, PETA, Pig’s Feet Aren’t Kosher!” (2005)

“Life Begins … Today!” (2004)

“I Opened The Door…Where’s Eliyahu??” (2002)

“Not So Loud, the Bread Can Hear You!” (2001)

SHEMOS (Exodus, 1:1-6:1) — “Mrs. Moses: Certified Mohelet??!”

Several years ago I was driving in the car listening to a discussion on the radio about circumcision.  Being a Mohel myself, I was, of course, very interested in the conversation.  I listened with curiosity and apprehension.

I get very uncomfortable when religious Jews call radio shows.  It is very difficult to explain a profound religious concept in a cogent and articulate manner when the host has his own ideas and can cut you off in mid-sentence.  Yet, the calls were coming in, and the host maintained that circumcision is done for health reasons.

Then an Italian lady called and said that she had her boys circumcised for health reasons, and was glad she did.  He said, “Thank you, dear,” and hung up.  Then he asked, “Hey, I wonder if a lady is allowed to be a Mohel.”

I braced myself for the responses.  A short time later, the host said, “Our next caller, fromRocklandCounty, is Moysheh.  Hello, Moysheh.”

“Hello, Mr. Grant.  This is Moishe-the-Moyel from Monsey!”…

Read more.

Additional messages from previous years:

 “My Grandson’s Bris – 2” (2010) 

“My Grandson the Priest” (2009) 

“Mrs. Moses Goes Home to Father” (2007) 

 “The Secret Password” (2006) 

 “Pain in the Ukraine” (2004)

“Watch Your Step!” (2004) 

“A Tale of Two Kings” (2002) 

 “Mother Goose Lied to Us!” (2002) 

“A Helping Hand” (2001)                      

VAYISHLACH (Genesis, 32:4-36:43) — “The Inferior Decorator”, or, “Stay Out Of My Bedroom!”

… To Reuben, such action was unacceptable. He would not stand by silently and watch his mother play second fiddle to her sister’s maid! … In describing what Reuben did, the Torah writes: …vayishkav es Bilhah pilegesh aviv…

… a painfully literal reading of the text gives us an additional insight. The actual translation implies that Reuben had committed adultery with his father’s wife!

…No, it wasn’t adultery.  But, in a sense, it was close…  It was repulsive.   It was wrong…

 Read more.

Additional messages from previous years:

“Straight Pins and Paszkes” (2009)

 “Way to Go, Joe! (Lieberman)” (2003)

“All or Nothing?”  (2001)

“Name that Angel” (2000)

VAYEITZEI (Genesis, 28:10-32:3) — “Feeling the Void – Filling the Void”

Jacob left Beer-Sheba and he went to Haran. (Genesis, 28:10)

The Torah doesn’t waste words. Rashi points out that the Torah only had to write Jacob went to Haran. The point of the story is that he was now on his way to  Haran to find a wife. Obviously, he had to leave his home in Beer-Sheba in order to get there. What is the point of telling us that Jacob left Beer-Sheba?

The answer, says Rashi, is that Jacob’s departure from Beer-Sheba was a significant event…

Read more.

Additional messages from previous years:

“How to Say ‘You’re Wrong’ ” (2009)

“Are You My Bride? … Are You SURE??” (2006) 

“Time to Pray!”  (2005)

“The Gift of Life” (2003)

“To Dream the Impossible Dream” (2000)

TOLDOS (Genesis, 25:19-28:9) — “The So-Called ‘Rabbi’”

…I don’t look down on people who don’t share Torah Judaism’s view of our obligations to G-d.  I try very hard not to put down Jews who believe differently than I. I believe, quite simply, that in most cases, they have not had the opportunity to learn and to come to understand what Torah is really all about.

But one thing that really bugs me is when people misrepresent Torah Judaism.

Perhaps you read about the travesty that took place in Washington, DC last week…

Read more.

Additional messages from previous years:

“Something Smells Rotten in the State of Beersheba” (2009)

“Like Father, Like Son” (2008)

“Closed Eyes and Closed Mouths”(2006) 

“Red Beans and Redskins”(2003) 

“An ‘FFB’ Marries a ‘BT’”(2002) 

“Double Trouble”(2000) 

 “Walking the Talk” (2001)

CHAYEI SARAH (Genesis, 23:1-25:18) — “Ham’s not Kosher!!”

Eliezer had a tough assignment.

Sarah was dead.  Abraham was a widower with a 37-year-old unmarried son.  The future of Abraham’s legacy was dependant upon Isaac marrying and raising the next generation of G-d-fearing “Jews.”  It was imperative that Isaac marry a woman who shared his values.  In narrowing the field of applicants, Abraham engaged in a bit of “racial profiling.”  Canaanites need not apply…

This restriction affected Eliezer personally. This dedicated servant of Abraham had a daughter.  He would have loved to have made a “Shidduch” between his daughter and his beloved master’s son.  However, it was not to be.  Eliezer, you see, was a Canaanite…

Read more.

Additional messages from previous years:

“The Living Dead or the Dead Living?” (2009) 

“Well, There’s Bad News and There’s Good News…” (2006)  

 “Will You Marry Me… Again?!” (2005) 

“White Power!”(2003)

“Do You REALLY Believe That?!” (2002) 

“Walk a Mile for a Camel” (2000) 

VAYEIRA (Genesis, 18:1‑22:24) — “The Most Powerful Force on Earth”

…Lot… moved to Sodom to get away from his uncle Abraham.  He didn’t want to live near his uncle; Abraham was too . . . “religious.” …Lot …seems to have preferred the decadent lifestyle of his neighbors over the restrictive morals of his uncle’s home.  Given the choice of Jerusalem vs. San Francisco, Lot chose ‘Frisco! …

Read more.

Additional messages from previous years:

“A Prayer and an Opportunity” (2010)

“Immaculate Deception?” (2009)

“Girl Talk?” (2007) 

“What’s So Funny?” (2006) 

“Would Abraham Give Candy to Trick-or-Treaters?” (2005) 

“Not Now, G-d, I’m Busy . . . I’ll Talk to You Later!” (2002) 

“Could the Twin Towers Have Been Saved?” (2001) 

“Under the Influence of Dregs” (2000) 

LECH LECHA (Genesis, 12:1-17:27) — “The Salem Trial”

… It was a major superpower summit.  The most powerful men in the world were about to meet… Chapter 14 of Genesis describes what should probably be called the First World War.  Five kings went to war against four kings.  … What would happen when these two leaders would meet? …  How did “Malchizedek-the-bartender” become “Malchizedek-the-Priest”????? … 

Read more.

Additional messages from previous years:

“The Surrogate Mother and the Terrorist” (2009)

“CHANGE!!” (2008)

“Tune that Name!” (2006)

“There Goes the Neighborhood!” (2005)

“The Soul Maker” (2003)

“The Reward for a Mitzvah…” (2001)

“A Covenant of Dedication” (2000)

Pre-Yom Kippur Confessions of a Drug Addict

Okay! I admit it!  I have at least one vice!  I am addicted to a drug.  I have beaten the habit in the past.  I have, on occasion been “on the wagon” and off drugs for months at a time.  But eventually, I have repeatedly succumbed to my body’s desire for that wonder drug…

Read more.

Additional messages from previous years:

“Eat and Drink!  For Tomorrow we Fast!!” (2010)   

“Our Man in the Holy-of-Holies” (2009)

 “From the Summit to the Gutter” (2003)

“Cardiac Judaism” (2002)